I shaved my legs for this... aka Baby El's birth story

Julie over at The Progressive Parent came up with this lovely idea she's dubbing #birthstrong. The idea is that through sharing the stories of our children's birth we can spread awareness of women's choices in birth, and feel the connection that all Mother's share.

Before I can tell Baby El's birth story I need to share with you my sister's, my mother's and her mother's birth stories. I'll be brief. My Grandmother was born in 1931, premature and very tiny, to a tiny woman. My Great-Grandmother Mercedes had the cards stacked against her, with PreEclampsia, Cephalopelvic Disproportion and Placenta Previa, my Grandmother entered this world through an incision on her mother's abdomen. Twenty one years later, my Mother made her entrance the same way. The reasoning? Cephalopelvic Disproportion, reportedly my Grandmother's pelvis was too narrow for any baby to be born through. I later learned that the doctor's never gave my Grandmother the chance to try, cut her open without a sign of a contraction on the horizon. Can't blame her, assuming you completely trust your doctors and they tell you a C-section was inevitable wouldn't you schedule it as well? Fast forward to 1981, my Mother a woman who inherited my Grandfather's tall and linebacker build, is in labor with my sister. The cards as slightly stacked against her, PreEclampsia, extra fluffy and high C-section rates. After sixteen hours of a labor by all accounts she managed well, the doctor's said it was time, baby's heart rate was dropping, she wasn't coming out the traditional way. She was wheeled to an OR and my sister, with her cord around her neck, was born shortly afterward. Three years later I was a repeat C-Section, complete with a cute story of my Dad's coworkers not believing I was going to be born that day.

Growing up I heard these stories of the three direct generations of Women before me delivering their children in the OR, constantly hearing that our "Pelvises are just too small". I accepted this as fact and repeated this to anyone when a conversation would come up about child birth. I was going to have a C-Section, my pelvis was too small. Fact.

When I became pregnant, I asked my original OB about my pelvis during the initial exam at my very first appointment. Maybe I thought it was a good follow up to my usual ice breaker "You know I normally make someone buy me dinner first..."? To be completely fair to her she did tell me it was narrow but that the relaxin hormone can and does widen the pelvis up. She made a big point about not counting out vaginal birth without having a Trial of Labor. I noted this and basically brushed her off mentally, here was my proof. My pelvis is too small, I'm broken. Much like needing artificial implements to see I would need doctor's to deliver my child(ren).

 At seven months pregnant, while on a trip with my extended family to New Orleans, my cousin says something that resonated with me. Summed up it was "Don't count yourself out, you could have a vaginal birth. You never know.". Fueled with this revelation, I researched, read books on natural Childbirth (another post) and in a hormone craze did a 180 on my birthing stance. They had been wrong before, given the right support and time I could do this. I wasn't broken.

With the exception of one high blood sugar level during a Glucose Test, and nausea in months three through six I had an easy pregnancy. Finally after what felt like an eternity my due date came, and I met it with grumpiness. I'd been into L&D two days earlier and was barely one centimeter dilated, so I was sure I was going over that date. I walked, I hopped, I squatted while telling baby to "GET OUT", I asked for the spiciest meal at a Chinese restaurant and I bitched. Oh how I bitched. On roughly four occasions that I night I had what I felt was a cross between a Braxton Hicks contraction and my baby kicking the crap out of my cervix, they didn't take my breath away but they forced me to sit up perfectly erect. Awkward while driving and didn't improve my mood. It was further proof I was in for a long two weeks. I still somewhat hopefully informed my husband "Maybe we'll have a baby tomorrow." He might have rolled his eyes at me. Sometime that night I went to bed, and woke up around 2 in the morning to pee like usual.

Friday, 4:30 am

I'm suddenly awake, and I know I'm in labor. My contractions feel like menstrual cramps, icky and deep inside of my uterus. I get up, as each contraction hits I have to walk, I have to move. I can't sit still, I can't go back to sleep, I tried to on the couch and couldn't. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a zombie in the mornings and I hate be awake at a ungodly hour (aka any time before 10). Going back to sleep sounds delicious to me at this moment but it's not working, I try to lay back down in bed and hop out with a whine during a contraction. Not from the pain, I'm pissed that I can't go back to sleep. I had been rolling my hips in figure eights and swaying side to side for months prior to this day as it was the only way to relieve pressure. I can't honestly remember if I continued to do so in the moments between contractions or during, I mainly remember my desire to walk away from myself. Sometime after the start of labor I start timing my contractions, just for shits and giggles. I have my 40 week appointment at 2:30 pm and I know I'll go in for that and only be 3 centimeters dilated. It's going to be a long weekend I tell myself over and over.

5:00 or 5:30 am

I'm in the guest bathroom, letting my husband sleep, and relieving myself (TMI?). While engaging in that and between contractions I'm googling on my cell phone "contractions under five minutes apart but less then a minute in length". Lovely Google confirms my suspicions, I was likely in Early Labor and it could be hours if not days of this. Bastards I mutter.

Lazy

Take notes ladies and gents, I'm going to lay some Mom knowledge on you that will rock your world. You know that moment of the day (or all day) were you sit down on your cushy behind and space out for a bit? Or where your Facebook, Twitter, etc gets updated? Actually this moment, were you found my blog and are now reading it.

So thinking of the moment, and not including nap time, what is your child(ren) doing right now? Mine is riding her plastic rocking horse backwards and shoving blocks inside of a receptacle that takes balls. I tell myself she's a creative thinker and is trying to get the world to conform to her not the other way around.

If your child(ren) are playing happily by themselves pat yourself on the back. You're not neglecting your child or ignoring them for your own selfish desires, thank you Attachment Parenting for further Mom Guilt. Your playing child is engaging in Exploratory Free Play, and is learning through exploring their environment safely. There are preschools dedicated to this type of learning, think Montessori.

See? You didn't need a fancy degree to instinctually stimulate your child's curiosity of the world and problem solving skills. The only tools you need are a phone with Internet capabilities, the Facebook app and enough toys to supply a daycare. Good to go. Now excuse me, there is a ball I need to pry out of a block shaped receptacle.

Note: there hasn't been a sarcasm font invented yet, so I'm going to add this disclaimer. Obviously if you're going to let your child play on their own you should be supervising and the environment should be a safe one. Outlets plugged, no knives etc.

Mooch

Edit: I was editting this post and changing up the photo when I made an error and deleted the whole thing. Then pulled a stupid move and "reverted to draft" rather than just exited out of the whole thing thus saving myself the heartache. This is a rewrite.
I've had a few ongoing jokes to explain why Baby El cries and screams when I leave the room without her. The jokes go like this:

She's smart, she knows where the food comes from and gets nervous when it walks out of the room.

She's just worried the food isn't coming back.

I've also taught her the handsign for milk. It's a fun party trick she'll pull out, climbing into my lap, staring at my chest very intently and signing "MILK" with both hands. She's very serious about her food, if I could remove my breasts and leave it with whoever is watching her she'd probably be happy as can be. So it's an understatment for me to say that weaning is going to be notfun, a process that I've already started. Baby El has always nursed on demand durring the day and at eleven months has been known to nurse almost every two-three hours. Most days she averages nursing six times a day. I've started cutting back to four times a day, through distraction techniques or to be completely honest by me personally not being so lazy. Once you get over the newborn hump breast feeding is such a lazy mom's way to parent. Seriously. It goes like this:

Oh, you're bored? I'm bored too. Want to nurse? Hello facebook

Here, mom wants to sleep more come into bed and nurse while I pass out for a bit.

I really do not know how you bottle feeding mother's do it, I cannot imagine all the extra work and stuff to carry. Even if I wasn't so lazy, baby girl is and always has been a comfort nurser. Sometimes she wants to nurse and that's the only thing she's going to take, I'm so excited for her to be a teenager. No really. The introduction of solid foods has proved that she's a mooch. Bring out a tupperware container at a playgroup and she's on you in the blink of an eye. There is no shame, you'll see that cute little bow mouth opened like a birdie waiting for a worm, and those little hands going up to grab what she can reach. I've even been somewhat ashamed when she whined at someone for not giving her food quick enough.

With my weaning goals in mind, yesterday I met with three of my closest friends for group pictures. You know it was all the rage at one point to take pictures with your BFF's, we just kept on the tradition. Baby El was already on her third nurse of the day and I was holding out the last one for right before bed. Something she wasn't too thrilled about but easily distracted by her exciting new walking skill. We were there for probably an hour and starting to finish up the pictures when the smallest of the babies decided she was hungry. My friend T sat down with her baby and started nursing. I think at that point Baby El's mooch senses started tingling, as the next thing I knew she had climbed up T's lap and was staring T down. With angry eyebrows and all, she started making Milk signs and then used her other hand to PUSH T's baby away. Eleven months old and ready to rumble over someone elses food. She was like a drug addict trying to get her hit. Clearly I was right.

Baby says...

If my ten month old daughter could journal I'm pretty sure she'd have this to say about today:

Mom fed me yellow goodness (egg yolks) today, but snuck in some green crap. Sure I ate a quarter of it, I didn't want her to think I was completely ungrateful. But I had to put my foot down & tell her I would not stand for this! She gave me some banana and then taunted me by keeping the rest just out of reach. As a warning of further action if I was not promptly given more banana, I proceeded to wipe my banana covered hands all over the dining table and in her hair if she was silly enough to get close.

Best food of the day?
1) my feet
2) my right shoe
3) blueberry yogurt Mom fed me at the coffee place
4) the silver spoon

Most WTF moments of the day?:
1) Mom putting me in a ruffled monstrosity & then wondering why I looked like a butterball turkey. It was unacceptable.
2) the cat licking his lips at me while I looked like a stuffed turkey.
3) Mom complaining when I followed her into the bathroom. Only fair after she changes the diaper I'd worked so hard to make warm.
4) Mom letting me shut myself in the bedroom. Then "pretending" she can't find me.
5) Not being allowed to eat a pen.

There was this guy at the store wearing blue pjs that I wanted to follow home. I need to learn how he got his Mom to let him stays in pjs all day.

Mama needs a shower...

My friend and I like to play a little game. We call it "Bad Mom or... Evil Genius?".