Three pots, two mixing bowls and the kitchen sink...

When I see something cool online, an awesome dress pattern for Baby El or a yummy recipe I think "oh yea, I can totally do that!". Reality? My sewing experience is limited to the one pair of leggings I made for Baby El out of an old Maternity Shirt of mine. They're fairly laughable. The top seam is thicker in some parts and thinner in others, and when I went to reinforce the crotch I made the pants tighter. On the plus side the side seams look professional, of course that's because they are since I cut the original material along the existing seam.

Let's be honest though, I still think I'll be able to hand sew a quilt made out of my daughter's baby clothes. My husband calls this denial "wasteful" and usually rolls his eyes when I bring home new projects that in his words (and mine at the end) will just collect dust. As for me? I call it confidence, I am convinced that I can tackle almost any project I truly set my mind to. Or at the least I'm going to try! I am woman hear me roar and all that. As a side note, this confidence/denial extends beyond the "traditional womanly arts" and I think with the right plan, tools and so on I can build furniture. Yes, despite shoving a knife in my nose, I still think in my mind that I am safe to handle a table saw. Just keep 911 on speed dial and a tourniquet handy...

Which comes to where we're at right now, with a big hole in the middle of my house and what was once our guest bathroom. It was previously so Handi-capable chic! The previous owner had widened the door; installed a handicap shower which basically looks like a tub with the apron removed & laid down on the floor and handle bars all over; and built a cubby for the bolted to the wall sink. It was very wheelchair accessible and I'm sure made the previous tenant capable of taking care of the basic needs I take for granted. Except for the shower part, with a screaming baby I am grateful for every single shower I take. In the end though, with the unfortunate exception of one member of our family, we had no need for a wheelchair acessible/handicapable bathroom and are in the process of tearing it all out. Baby needs a tub and we need a much more practical set-up.

Since my husband is mainly doing all the work I've been offering assistance. Asking him what I can do to help during the babies naps and all. Sunday he said "you can crawl under the house and dig holes".

Me: uuuhhhh.... What? How? You'll have to show me

Any kid with shovel experience can dig a stupid hole, I know that. But apparently my "I can do it!!" attitude only extends to things I can take credit for. No one wants to crawl under my old house so I can show off the lame holes I dug. How's that for a party trick?

" Come see what I did in the bathroom! ...... Oh, no my husband did all the tiling, demo, flooring, but see I did the crucial stuff! I dug the holes for the concrete jacks that lifted our house back up, without that we'd have a slanted floor! .... No I didn't use a sand bucket and plastic shovel... Assholes"

Narcissistic much?

*the picture is where the shower used to be, that's now the only semi-completed space. The rest is just floor beams.

The knife incident...

My friends love this story. My friends also like laughing at me. Do we all have friend's like that? Or am I just extra lucky?

A few years ago I ordered a pair of shoes online at a steal. Seriously, it was a steal. I'd seen them on a website & then goggled like a fiend to find the best deal possible. My search culminated into one of those great Ebay moments were you wait till the last minute & get the winning bid and run around your little apartment like a SuperBowl Quarterback Victory Dance tm. Admit it, I'm not the only one.

Anyway, so I come home to find my victory boots on my doorstep all taped up in their original packaging. I go inside and grab the only logical item that can be used to release them from their box, my six inch Chefs Knife..

I said it, my six inch Chefs Knife.

To. Open. A. Shoe. Box. With. Boots.

Overkill? Naw, this is my standard tactics in box and bag opening. Of course the utter ridiculousness did occur to me & the thought to abandon this method passed through my mind right as I'm opening the box, and pointing the sharp end towards my face no less. But I like to learn my lessons the slightly harder way.

As I'm thinking "this is a dumb idea", the knife slips..... I'm downplaying the situation here. My SIX INCH Chefs Knife slips

... and ends up...


in my nose.

The tip was in my nose. In my NOSE.

Cue much shock and some hand flapping. I would say my life flashed before my eyes, but I'm not that melodramatic. What did flash before my eyes were the thoughts of how I was going to tell everyone, I guess you could start it like a bar joke "two nuns & a Rabbi walk into a bar...". What does that say about me?

I believe I started an uncomfortable OMGee laugh & alerted my husband to what had just happened once I realized I wasn't bleeding to death. The look on my husband's face said it all. "How can I trade in for a smarter wife?"

I walked away with a slightly bloody nose, a annoyed husband, and a story. Oh and a really cute pair of boots! Can't forget about those.

Baby says...

If my ten month old daughter could journal I'm pretty sure she'd have this to say about today:

Mom fed me yellow goodness (egg yolks) today, but snuck in some green crap. Sure I ate a quarter of it, I didn't want her to think I was completely ungrateful. But I had to put my foot down & tell her I would not stand for this! She gave me some banana and then taunted me by keeping the rest just out of reach. As a warning of further action if I was not promptly given more banana, I proceeded to wipe my banana covered hands all over the dining table and in her hair if she was silly enough to get close.

Best food of the day?
1) my feet
2) my right shoe
3) blueberry yogurt Mom fed me at the coffee place
4) the silver spoon

Most WTF moments of the day?:
1) Mom putting me in a ruffled monstrosity & then wondering why I looked like a butterball turkey. It was unacceptable.
2) the cat licking his lips at me while I looked like a stuffed turkey.
3) Mom complaining when I followed her into the bathroom. Only fair after she changes the diaper I'd worked so hard to make warm.
4) Mom letting me shut myself in the bedroom. Then "pretending" she can't find me.
5) Not being allowed to eat a pen.

There was this guy at the store wearing blue pjs that I wanted to follow home. I need to learn how he got his Mom to let him stays in pjs all day.