The knife incident...

My friends love this story. My friends also like laughing at me. Do we all have friend's like that? Or am I just extra lucky?

A few years ago I ordered a pair of shoes online at a steal. Seriously, it was a steal. I'd seen them on a website & then goggled like a fiend to find the best deal possible. My search culminated into one of those great Ebay moments were you wait till the last minute & get the winning bid and run around your little apartment like a SuperBowl Quarterback Victory Dance tm. Admit it, I'm not the only one.

Anyway, so I come home to find my victory boots on my doorstep all taped up in their original packaging. I go inside and grab the only logical item that can be used to release them from their box, my six inch Chefs Knife..

I said it, my six inch Chefs Knife.

To. Open. A. Shoe. Box. With. Boots.

Overkill? Naw, this is my standard tactics in box and bag opening. Of course the utter ridiculousness did occur to me & the thought to abandon this method passed through my mind right as I'm opening the box, and pointing the sharp end towards my face no less. But I like to learn my lessons the slightly harder way.

As I'm thinking "this is a dumb idea", the knife slips..... I'm downplaying the situation here. My SIX INCH Chefs Knife slips

... and ends up...


in my nose.

The tip was in my nose. In my NOSE.

Cue much shock and some hand flapping. I would say my life flashed before my eyes, but I'm not that melodramatic. What did flash before my eyes were the thoughts of how I was going to tell everyone, I guess you could start it like a bar joke "two nuns & a Rabbi walk into a bar...". What does that say about me?

I believe I started an uncomfortable OMGee laugh & alerted my husband to what had just happened once I realized I wasn't bleeding to death. The look on my husband's face said it all. "How can I trade in for a smarter wife?"

I walked away with a slightly bloody nose, a annoyed husband, and a story. Oh and a really cute pair of boots! Can't forget about those.

Baby says...

If my ten month old daughter could journal I'm pretty sure she'd have this to say about today:

Mom fed me yellow goodness (egg yolks) today, but snuck in some green crap. Sure I ate a quarter of it, I didn't want her to think I was completely ungrateful. But I had to put my foot down & tell her I would not stand for this! She gave me some banana and then taunted me by keeping the rest just out of reach. As a warning of further action if I was not promptly given more banana, I proceeded to wipe my banana covered hands all over the dining table and in her hair if she was silly enough to get close.

Best food of the day?
1) my feet
2) my right shoe
3) blueberry yogurt Mom fed me at the coffee place
4) the silver spoon

Most WTF moments of the day?:
1) Mom putting me in a ruffled monstrosity & then wondering why I looked like a butterball turkey. It was unacceptable.
2) the cat licking his lips at me while I looked like a stuffed turkey.
3) Mom complaining when I followed her into the bathroom. Only fair after she changes the diaper I'd worked so hard to make warm.
4) Mom letting me shut myself in the bedroom. Then "pretending" she can't find me.
5) Not being allowed to eat a pen.

There was this guy at the store wearing blue pjs that I wanted to follow home. I need to learn how he got his Mom to let him stays in pjs all day.

Mama needs a shower...

My friend and I like to play a little game. We call it "Bad Mom or... Evil Genius?".

So a detective knocked on my door...

Think it's a lame start to a joke? It is, since ealier today a detective knocked on my door, informing me that a car parked about eight houses down from mine was set on fire Monday morning at 4:30 a.m. This marks it as the second car on our street to be torched in the nearly eleven months since we first purchased our home in March 2010. Roughly four more cars had been burned down the month before we moved in, in one night of car burning fun. The four cars that night do not include the multiple other cars that had been broken into the same night, in what the local Police Department believes was a related incident. According to them the arsonist was prepping the other cars to be burned as well, and was probably scared off after the cops showed up in response to a report of the first two cars burning.

The last car that burned, back in May, was burned directly across from my house and we first watched it burning from our front window before venturing out to catch the drama unfolding from our front steps. Somewhere I have a really good description of that event, I'll find it and post it tomorrow or write a new one. I might even inclue the video I took from my digital camera of the car burning up.

The Detective told me that one of the neighboors had caught a glimpse of the suspect, tall thin man wearing a dark hooded sweatshirt. Helpful, no? Not to come off like an ass and blame my neighboor for not getting a better view, it was the middle of O'dark and a half past "why am I up?" am. Also, the street that I live on has an Elementary School backing up to it that was closed five years ago and has since been converted to a "continuation high school" with a driveway that lets out onto my street. Directly across from that driveway is a path to a creek that runs behind the whole street, and connects to multiple other creek paths that runs a decent length of our town. To make things even worse, the town High School is two blocks from us. Seriously, why did I buy a house in this neighboorhood? It seems like the perfect breeding ground for getting away with a crime, since traffic around here is almost as changing as traffic in a mobile home park.

Time to finish up the nursery dresser painting project we have going on in the garage so that we can get all of our cars in the driveway and/or garage. Lock your doors ladies and gents, America isn't completely safe.

Starting it all up...

I'll admit like most projects, I started my blog with the intent to make it permanent and a daily activity. Then in an all to short period of time, I become lazy and forget all about my grand plans to have a daily activity. I let other, far un-important things, get in the way and let my projects go unfinished. It would be a stretch of the imagination to call this blog "important" at least to anyone but myself. So when I say "un-important things" I primarily mean that the other things I find to do are utterly lame. IE: watching TV, sleeping, etc. No great excuses such as work, chores, a social life.

What I also mean by referring to this blog as not important to anyone else but myself is this: I used to be a much more creative person. In part my creative outlet of writing poetry and creating stories was an escape from what I deemed a boring and painful childhood/teenage years. Not to get all angsty, because seriously? What teenager doesn't think their life is boring and/or painful? Over the years, I quit acting as I never made it into any of the plays in High School, I cut back on my poetry, I stopped taking art, and slowly my creative writing become less and less important. For a long time my only creative outlet was a livejournal, but even that I've found less time for. I would go over in my mind the posts I wanted to make and then when I sat down to write them I lacked the words. Now my creative outlet has been limited down to random, boring, sometimes fun, "I'm thinking" wall posts on the infamous Facebook. Lame.

As I'm about to embark on Motherhood (even now my spawn is squirming under my skin plotting her escape into the real world) I know that more of the things I use to define "me" are going to become less important. In the face of a child who depends solely on you for sustenance, how do you step away and selfishly do things just for you? Now before I lose more of myself, I want to stake a claim on the creative person I once was. I hope that this stand will help me to keep "me" in this crazy trip I'm about to take, and will leave me feeling more satisfied with myself by the end of each day.

Younger self, I've missed you, let's step out into the cold and find you once again.

Sail away...

So much has happened in a short period of time, I've reached major milestones in the last year without doing much living. To elaborate, my weekends and time outside of work is generally spent hanging out at home. I don't get out too much, and when I do it's usually for food or a book buying excursion. Summed up, I'm lazy and require a high amount of time laying about being useless to feel like a person come Monday morning.

Despite that I've still managed to tuck at least two major milestones under my belt since the start of this year. I went from weary and jaded House Hunter, where we feared that we'd never find a house that we could purchase. To First Time Home Buyer and all the highs and lows that go with that, including delayed closing/escrow, and inspection issues. I went from fantasising about renovation projects to starting them, or in my case purchasing the material and watching my husband start them.

I went from talking about having children, even setting a date to start trying, to becoming pregnant in the blink of an eye. Due to a few non-controlled experiments I had hypothesised that it would take a couple months of trying before we got it right, so although it's earlier than expected and before we're really ready I'm excited. I love feeling the little movements of the baby, so tiny that I can't tell if it's a kick or just a wiggle around. When I'm bent over in an awkward position and I feel that movement like a protest at all the extra space I'm taking up, I'm sure in that case it's a kick. I can almost imagine this child's personality forming and the inevitable grumpiness that it'll more than likely inherit from both of us taking shape in that one little kick. I know it's silly, most of the kicks you see a fetus doing are pure instinct, but it's nice to imagine they're more than that.

I need to blog more...

I've been getting the desire to blog more and more. With no readers, the desire to blog really has to come from me, and a sense that there is someone out there who will someday stumble on my blog and think "that shit's funny". This sense, or intution if you will *read:ego* isn't always strong with me. Meaning I might have to direct people who know me in real life this way.

... we'll see how that goes.