The Apologizer

Hi my name is Meghan, I am 25 and I am an Apologizer.

I'm the finger on the trigger, apologize first and then ask what I did wrong kind of gal. If it's not the first thing I do, sometimes a defensive exclamation escapes first, it's the second thing I do.
Always without fail, I will apologize whether I was really wrong or not. It's probably my faux-bohemianesque upbringing that makes me want to care about how others "feel". That as part of a whole working society we're all just gears that need to get along in the machine of life. In part I can attribute my Apologizer status to my tendency to be blunt and my preference to soften the blow with an "I'm sorry, but..." (those shoes do give you cankles).

As I've gotten older, I've started to wonder if me being an Apologizer is adjusting the way those I interact with view me. Does it weaken my stance and how I'm viewed as a whole? Does it cause people to take me less seriously? Am I often apologizing for no reason?

In a brief e-mail exchange between my Realtor and myself, I felt the need to apologize. My initial e-mail could be viewed as an insinuation that he had not done his job. Previously he had insisted the listing price on a house was almost $10,ooo more than it was. Not only was I calling him on it but I was asking if any subsequent information regarding a bid in on the house was also incorrect due to the original mistake. His response was completely clipped and brief, telling me that the information on the bid was still correct. My internal response is "I'm sorry I implied you can't do your job!! FORGIVE ME!". Followed by groveling.

.... I'm stepping back, and reminding myself that in life I'm not always wrong. He had a right to be irratated if he was, and I had a right to question his original answer due to his initial mistake. No apologizing for me this time. It's a twelve step program!